JUST SNAPPED @littleswallowchinadoll

Guilty as charged

There are about a million things that make you feel guilty when you're a mum. Like spending all your maternity leave pay on swanning around catching up with people and eating out.

Even the blogs that are supposed to make you feel ok about not being the most awesome mum of all time make you feel guilty. You know the ones, the ones that tell you it's ok to do nothing but look after your baby because that's exactly what they need right now. Don't worry about the housework! Sleep when they sleep! Embrace co-parenting your toddler with the TV! Don't worry about a routine because it's great for them to be with you all the time, basking in your love, sleeping and eating whenever they want!

It's ridiculous I know, but they actually make me feel guilty for making Wilder sleep and eat to a schedule. For managing to get dinner on the table, do the grocery shopping, life admin and a million other household things to keep things running smoothly. They make me feel guilty because they make me feel like I'm not fully embracing being with Wilder every single second that I don't have Wolfie demanding my attention and, therefore, he's going to grow up and say to his future girlfriend one day when he explains why he has issues that "my mum never gave me much attention, she was more concerned with work / the house / her mobile phone than she was with me". 

It kills me to think of my boys growing up and not remembering the fun they had as kids, how we chased and jumped and climbed and balanced and laughed and laughed and laughed together. Not remembering how loved they were, how we smothered them with cuddles and kisses until they wriggled out of our arms, how their grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins, both blood and not, all showered them with attention and adoration. Not remembering how excited they were to go on holidays, or how they wanted for nothing because we gave them everything they needed.

So I will try not to feel guilty. For enjoying both my boys and my own life. For making sure dinner is on the table so the CG can come home and sit with his family and ask Wolfie to tell him about the things he did today. For making sure the washing is done and the bills are paid so the time I spend cooing at Wilder I can do without the worries of not being on top of things. But I will try harder to be present in every moment that I do spend with the boys. So that I can remember more, and I can remind them more, so they grow up remembering the fun we had, the laughs we shared, and the love I always have for them.