JUST SNAPPED @littleswallowchinadoll

Not one, but two

Introducing the secret life of me.

Have I mentioned I'm engaged? To an amazing, ever patient, wonderful man. Or the Creative Genius, as he likes to be known. Who I love and adore. Who waited for two years from the point of proposing to me agreeing to actually get married.

So, what's the problem here? Simply put: while I don't mind getting married, I don't really want a wedding. The Creative Genius, however, most definitely wants a wedding. Despite my persistent asking every week whether he really wants to force all our friends and family to have to attend another wedding. "Yes!" he cries.

In May, I cracked. I wanted us and our two closest friends in Vegas. He wanted a full English wedding with everyone we know. We compromised on Thailand with a maximum of 40 people. We agreed low key. We looked at villas, found an amazing place and booked it for September. 2012. "Phew," I thought, "far enough away to not have to worry."

Some months passed. In October, I went to New York and on a whim visited Cymbeline, tried on a handful of dresses and decided I had found exactly what I wanted and need not look any further. The only problem is I found exactly two perfect dresses. "How did this happen?" I wailed, "How could I go from not even wanting a wedding to being the kind of bride who is actually considering buying two dresses?"

(For the record, there is definitely a need for two great outfits - more on that later).

The lovely ladies at Cymbeline contacted me and offered me a good price for both. My fabulous friend now living in Paris put me in touch with her friend who coincidentally works for Cymbeline in Paris. All things considered, with travel to Paris being slightly more convenient, I told New York I wouldn't be coming. They offered me an amazing price.

I deferred some more. I told myself to just choose one. I told myself to get a grip. I told New York I couldn't really justify the airfare. They offered me a price that dreams are made of.

Still I procrastinated. I had a full scale breakdown. I accused the Creative Genius of wanting a wedding but not doing anything to organise it (despite nothing needing to be organised). I decided the wedding was off. The CG conceded that while he did definitely want the wedding, my happiness was more important.

Then I did get a grip. And I remembered the reason I agreed to marry the CG in the first place. I love him. And every single day he makes me happy. What's a wedding between lovers?

So today, I called up and ordered two dresses (eek!). I'm hoping this isn't a slippery slope to bridezilladom...