The past catches up

Suddenly the full weight of realisation comes down on me. I’m standing in my bedroom, resplendent with pink sheets that in a past life I would never have gotten away with, thinking “how did it come to this?”.

I’m not unhappy. To be fair, life is pretty good. But it does have a certain bizarre quality to it all things considered. More than four years after getting married, here I am on the other side of the world, two weeks into a new job, four weeks into a new lease, in an all girls share house, with a quarter of the wardrobe I once had, and about a quarter of the money I once had too. And very, very alone.

Not literally of course. There’s always someone to keep you company if you want it, always something to do and somewhere to go. But keeping busy doesn’t always mean your mind stays occupied too. Sometimes it likes to do its own thing, wander off oblivious to your protests to stay in the present. And you start to wonder, how did things get to the point where all you could see was the bad? How did your judgment get so clouded that you couldn’t see all the good things that you should have fought for? How is it that so much later when the dust has settled, all you can remember are the good things you threw away?

It's time to start getting on with life.